Déjà Vu

Your breath on my quivering lips
Fingers of my hand that your hand grips
I’ve been here in this moment with You
I’ve had this feeling of déjà vu


We lay beneath that floating Cloud
Are we lovers or strangers
Who would know, maybe no one Should
All those Promises that I never made to You
I have this feeling of déjà vu

I lost my way into this town again
A promise I made to not feel this pain
I find myself two steps behind from where I just began
Pulling all strings to stand up on my feet but falling back into You
I have this feeling of déjà vu

Purpose of Love

The ray of Dawn shone on the dew dripped leaf 

beneath it lay a firefly , It admired the Ray in disbelief.

Radiance of the Ray filled the firefly’s  heart 

Cupid struck the arrow and they were no more apart

Firefly said to the Ray, you make me happy you are my glow

I draw from your light ,which in the dark I show 
My glow is my Call of love for you , 
why do you shine on others too?

Ray knew it’s purpose of shining Everyday 
To provide for the leaf under which the firefly lay
I do my bit for who I am, I love you but shine I must for all

I cannot just be yours, our love must be beyond this Call

I shall shine on who I must and you can bask in my radiance

But asking a Ray to just yourself is not my Obeyance 

Firefly froze in pain and chills ran down its spine

The one I love thus can’t  be just mine

Firefly spoke, I feel pain, Radiant Ray,

Do you feel the pain too?

We cannot be with each other, nature has the way, I get it, I really do

Ray was besought with its Purpose for Its Life

Said - pain is for the mind, world is so filled with Strife 

Striving in pain and living is not my belief 

What you feel is not pain, I think it’s a mind game, please feel the Relief

To Firefly this pained more, it did not ask for the Ray to be hers

But only to feel the pain for its tears

My fear to lose You is not my crime

It only goes to say how much I feel you as mine

Just wipe a tear , dear Ray 

I ask for Nothing more 

We all have a purpose, we live it and sail ashore

Feeling is to know and to understand,

Aren’t you happy to have someone who your loss can’t withstand ? 

It was left at that, a draw between Purpose and Pain

Love strikes a balance between the two once again 

Sense of purpose equals the sense of pain

Two cannot but meet , but we must acknowledgement them one and the same ...

x

I love the mustang in you

depth in your eyes
always fixed on the finish line
the pace at which you race..

I see a mustang in you.. 

too quick to catch
cannot be held back
too headstrong to be shown the way
the mustang only knows its next leap away..

such is a mustang in you..

could not keep the pace, sometimes I lose you without a trace
where is your finish line?
Has it crossed your mind, im trying to keep your pace

yes there is mustang in you.


This is a game of chase..this is the game of find and escape..
this is my mustang i seek... Does it seek me too?

yes this is the mustang i love , the one that i see in you.

Where do I belong

Staring into the deep blue sea, I could find everything but Me..
I forget who I am, Where do I  Belong? Is it just me, that I cannot see.

Where is my tribe ? The one with a common Vibe,
I've always been searching in a sea of people
Longing for that One, that never arrived
For What is with me, could it still be mine ?

Sharing a silence together with the Wind, watched the clouds pass By,
Moments stay, but Time has run By
Trapped in a capsule, it stays with me
I know it is not Real, it's just a Memory.

The Place never moved, But I did So,
Did I ever get back, Or will I ever go?

Where do I belong, is it in that Heart?
Which has never been mine, We were always Apart.
Is that closer, the One which is far away..
It is not the time to judge, or ask or seek anyway..

The ship has sailed for years, there never was a storm
Never looked back, ahead or beyond.
It is Time to sail in quiet Peace, to blindfold myself, lock and throw away the Key
Which may have all the answers to finding the real Me.

Now it is just me and the Sea, I look into its eyes and ask with a Glare,
Where do I belong ?  And It tells me what I already know,  "Nowhere, Nowhere".

It's in your warmth that I live

Waking up to that sparkling smile
Seems as though it has been a while

Time crawls and sometimes stands still
I am lost in this crowd, finding your warmth in this chill

Your chin on my shoulder, the curious look in your eyes
Smile on your lips , your hug and your cries

As I feel something moist on my cheek
I remind myself not to be weak

We make choices that make us stronger
Even though they may seem to last longer

But life recycles each thing in it's nature
What goes far, soon comes closer..

Though distance keeps us far, you are my piece of soul
In your warmth I LIVE, else I am only a part, not the whole.

Pretty Woman

"You are beautiful no matter what they say, words won't bring you down.. ",

This song by Christena Aguilera stuck with me for a long time.

I am not a pretty girl, or best in shape. I was a plump girl in school with bushy eyebrows, pigtails and a pair of spectacles. I went to a convent girls school , and they did not make it easy for a girl like. I was often ridiculed for my weight, which made me low on self confidence.

Made me wonder, how much do appearances matter in this world?

With age, came wisdom. It is not difficult for a woman to look good. I lost some baby fat during early college days and a little bit of grooming changed my appearances for the better.  I did not plan this makeover due to the body shaming done to me at school, it just happened.

I never had a carved body. I eat moderately, do some basic yoga and lead a healthy life. The second stage of body shaming  came during marriage. I had people advising me on how I should lose weight to pair up "better" with my rather handsome husband. Why did the same body need effort just because I was getting married? The answer I got was, cause those photos will stay with you forever.

Really? The most important occasion was downsized to a photo session. I had too much on my mind to even bother about the photographs on that day. New home, new family, language and culture changes.. Should I care too much about my waist size then?


However, people have taken me by surprise with the latest act of body shaming..during my pregnancy. I did yoga for all 9 months, enrolled for prenatal classes and had an average healthy weight gain of about 10-12 kgs. BY the 8th month I was a healthy pregnant woman. Nothing mattered more than the health of my child. I ate simple Indian home cooked food and went to work till I could.
But once again social gatherings irked me. When you are pregnant, jokes about how you have put on weight don't seem funny. A woman goes through a whirlwind of emotions, hormonal changes during this phase,  The least people can do is, not talk about her appearance.
Then Aisha came, and things did not go as anticipated. Some health issues and probably post partum feelings which I could not contain , have led to a decent  weight gain. 4 months post her birth, I finally have things in order. All in order except my weight . Some people speak with genuine concern and some resort to body shaming. it doesn't matter, if they add "don't worry about your weight right now" just after cracking a joke on the same, I know I will get back in shape and get back to work soon...but I do wish people made it easier for women knowing what goes into marriage, giving birth and rearing a life.

A pretty woman is the one with beautiful thoughts, conversations and the ability to get up and move on. Challenge me on that and I will show you what is beyond my body, is my own mind. Try putting that to shame, will you :-) ?? 

Until we meet again..

Time had us lost in two worlds

 But we have found each other now,

A wanderer who could not stay in moulds

I have overcome that thought somehow,

It must be a deep bond that connects one other

What else explains one lost soul welcoming another ?

I accept you as my own and glad that you chose me

To keep you within and nurture you as my extended identity


As you grow into the beautiful gift of God,

At nature's creation, I am humbled and awed.

Now time comes to a close, we shall meet at last

" Until we meet again "-  we never said our good byes in the past.

Leaves Of Grass

Two Seeds of a Pod,  Planted alike,
Destined differently, when Nature would Strike.

Reared in the same Soil, One Sun on them will Shine
Two Seeds of a Pod, each, to a separate path will Align

Time was a friend this far, seeds grown into leaves of Grass.
Two leaves, Together , the ill-fates they could Surpass.

Seasons they saw, Years that went past,
Young leaves of grass, in a happy place were cast.

Each growing to new dreams, hearts filled with joy,
But Time was about to turn a foe, Who was to Ploy?

Fields golden, turned fiery red one day,
Dreams caught fire, only ashes were to Stay.

Taller leaf, shielded the stunted one,
Took the blaze on , but a word said none.

Fire went Off, But the charred leaf withered,
Stunted one's love and hope went scattered.

Cursing the stars, which appeared on twilight,
Leaves of Grass, today a sacrimony of this plight..

Looking for that perfect horizon..

I visited my parents a few days back. They stay in a quiet non-metropolis. While brewing a cup of tea in the kitchen, I saw a thatched roof and tin walls of a small hut right outside our window.

It was almost falling apart and the walls were caving in. The heavy monsoons had caused a mini puddle inside the hut. I asked my mom if it was inhabited. After all, who could stay in the slush pool..

My mom replied that it was an ex-Army officer who stayed there. He had an injury in his shoulder due to extensive bullets and could not continue in the Army any longer. To feed his family, he took this job of looking after a plot of land. The plot owner had asked him to be a watch-guard there. So he setup his own hut there and managed his meals by cooking over stones and coal. He occasionally sweeps the slush out when it over flows.

This ex-Army guard had once told my mom how he misses having chapatis.. He can cook them for sure, but due to his shoulder injury, he cannot knead the dough or roll them with a pin. It hurts him each time he tries it.

My mother would occasionally give him food, but she lives on a lonely road and was worried about constant interaction with strangers. She could not give him chapatis everyday and if she did, he would crave them more, incase she could not provide for it.

I thought it wasn't fair, but then it crossed my mind that we live in  a world where we cannot trust strangers. Dad leaves for work each day, while my mum and sister stay at home. SO I gave up the thought of persuading her to give him food, even occasionally. 

Now whenever I put a morsel of that hot roti in my mouth, I feel grateful. I guess that is why god is in small things.

Here was a man, who served his country , got shot in the arm and lives a life full of struggles to make ends meet. While I live in a fabricated world of perceived perfection, away from the real struggles.

It is our constant perseverance to ask for more.. from life, from our surroundings and from ourselves.

We live lesser 'in the moment' each day. Our lives are now digital records of every day activities (obnoxious selfies and location tags on Facebook and Whatsapp),  where Personal spaces are trifled with over-communication.

It is always about Better jobs, higher salaries, move to a better country/city, bigger cars, fancier lifestyles and some more obnoxious selfies and thus Emptier minds.

In this rush, I have missed many a little pleasures, which I want to cherish. Every now and then I remind myself to live at peace with the moment, be grateful, do what my heart says, take risks cause i have the liberties to do so, and look beyond that perfect horizon. so that I do not miss the vision of simple pleasures right under my nose..

Divided by Opinions, United by Intent

Elections in the country has given rise to the latest fad of 'political debates'. Facebook, twitter, newspapers, office coffee breaks, dinner table...these discussions are following me everywhere.
Social media and web have also played a significant role in people expressing their support openly. There is so much more to read, absorb and form opinions about.
This is democracy  - differences of opinion, all being heard for a careful vote towards the majority.
I am happy to experience this information age, but it comes with it's backlash. The more opinionated people get and more they want to be heard, the debates thereafter take a devastating turn from being informative to just a mud slinging session. It is very typical of Indians to point the flaws, but I have seen very few resolving ambiguity and conflicts.
Why do we conflict over opinions? Every Indian wants the same basics from their government, whichever candidate or party they may choose. I do not mean to support any party and I personally feel that these opinions should never become a personal agenda for spreading negativity towards anyone. How different are we then, from these politicians who have always intended this polarization for their vote banks. We are giving them what they need, by turning our daily conversations into war zones, over nothing.
Sit back and think, the politicians who claim to be either 'honest', 'industrious' or 'secular' have been attacking each other in the most childish ways possible. Why should we turn into them ?
Having an opinion and supporting the party is one, but limit it to making the right choice or helping someone with information so that he/she may make his /her choice..
Don't bear the cross of the political party on your forehead, spam people's inboxes with defamatory material on the opponents.. Rise above this division they want to create and look beyond.
Governance can change a lot, but for our country, the most important change is to stay united, peaceful and work towards the future we want. After all, we may be divided by opinions, but are surely united by our intent for a progressive future for this country. 

Bond of SisterHood

There are some relations were are born into and then there are those we find on our way, around everyday life..
I chanced upon one such amazing bond, a couple of years back.. 

I was just learning to drive back then & enjoyed taking my car out whenever I had a chance.. I had to meet an old friend , who stayed a few kilometres away from my home. He asked me if I could come over to his place as he had to be home when his 'kid' sister returned from her classes...So I drove that night to his place.
We had been friends for over a decade, but I had never met or heard about his younger sister before. I thought it was endearing to have such care for one's siblings..

I reached his place and rung the bell, as the door opened His 'little' sister walked out..Just that she wasn't as 'little' as I had thought.. She taught Science to students and just got home from her regular lectures.. She looked nothing like a typical teacher. She had her hair all tied up and was wearing a simple Kurti and jeans..She smiled at me and spoke for a bit..

I don't know what struck, but I had an instant liking towards her. The friend I drove down to meet that day, is now my husband and he told me later, that night when I had come to meet him, his 'little' sister had teased him about me and said, 'Sweet girl'...
Sometimes I think, maybe that one word  from her, was one of the things that got Deven to think about me... maybe that got us closer ..She was by my side all through, as I entered a big joint family which spoke a language I had never heard before... She was my translation and dictionary...
In her I found a friend, a confidant and above all a sister. We have spent some great moments giggling , letting our hair down and just 'being ourselves' in each other's company.

Now that little sister has grown up to find her better half..I saw her gracefully greet her future in-laws as she looked beautiful in a traditional sari..I saw her off, to his car as she left with him. I opened the car door for her so that her pretty sari doesnt get stuck anywhere..and as I closed the door and watched her go.. in a very filmy style, my mind ran a flashback from that first day I saw her..And I felt lucky to have met and known her..This is one of those few 'not-blood' bonds that will stay with me and only grow stronger with time..Here's wishing my little sister all the happiness that she has been spreading across, and more.. (muah)..

The Bystander

Life is an amazing gift. In whatever form we have it, we should be glad about it.
I don't mean to philosophize , but it is true.

People so casually crib about little things in life and eventually that becomes their way of life. They have these dry conversations about how tough or meaningless life can get..

Why so? I ask myself. Maybe, in trying to get the 'bigger' picture , we miss out the finer details..Thus, it's best to break life into simpler/smaller pieces and live it with the little joys it has to offer.

I have compartments to my life, each obscure from the other. Though these may interlink at some point, but it's best to keep it this way, till you can..

As work pressures & responsibilities increase, we tend to take ourselves too seriously. I have personally heard this from some very bright young minds I have met - " What is the purpose of my life?".. I mean why are you waiting to find that purpose..Just define it !!

The most complicated questions are always the ones with the simplest answers.It's the attitude towards situations that changes everything.

It's very simple to switch off and eliminate the negativity. It makes me so happy that I can easily tune off or ward off these elements from my life. I believe I can take charge of my life and that makes me love it even more. My happiness is what I create.. I don't just want to be a bystander to my life.. I want to be the one who defines it..

The sweet smell of Nostalgia

The start of 2014 has brought me reminiscence from my past.  I spent time with mom like good old days, stayed in the house where I grew up, she fed me well with her delightful recipes and I travelled with her to the beautiful Gujarat.

I picked up pieces of my life which I had lost over time, it was beautiful..

As humans we experience layers of emotions throughout our life. Even the most insensitive amongst us, who do not acknowledge or agree to having felt these emotions, fall prey to ‘Nostalgia’.

As we live through the fragments of our lives, it is good sometimes to go back in time and relive life, as it used to be. It reminds you, where you began and gives a retrospective view of the several journeys one has taken as a person.

While living my life this month, the way I used to, I remembered my old ambitions as a kid. I have opened up to the child in me and I am now listening to what she once wanted to be when she turned 30.. I hope to catch up with her more often and fulfill more of her dreams.. I am certainly more capable now to pick up from where I left..

On this note, the sweet smell of the past must be bottled safely, to be smelt every now and then - the fragrance of nostalgia, it is.

The year that was..

Another year goes by and we all begin to quantify the gains and losses to give out the verdict -
How has the passing year been ? Good, Bad, Better or just Great!
We tend to "conclude" when things come to an end.. and we are all 'at-it' in Dec each year:- )

Strike off the To-Do list and begin with  a new one, not to mention carry forward the wish list that couldnt be..
Mine is no different than this common human psyche.. as I delve into the past year..
A life changing relation begins with hubby and his extended family.
I have enjoyed insightful conversations on walks with Him, some amazing locations we've been to and simple moments spent with my family and well-wishers.

Professionally a decent year, I had projects all year round which kept on challenging my limits, though I still seek broader horizons on this frontier..But then greed is human nature and hunger for more keeps us going.
In midst of all this, I conclude that more than anything else, this year brings a lot of peace to me..I feel anchored more than ever and that gives me strength for a new start next year..

We gain by what adds to our experiences and memories and what gives strength to our relations..So this year, I will count my blessings and wish all my people all the warmth and happiness they can get.

Of course I have places to go, dreams to live, but more importantly , this year on I have an elixir of life which I can derive strength from, each time I fall..
We fall, we pick ourselves and we move on.. Cheers to a new start! 

Walk Along..

Stepping into the light, It is a day like none before

I walk along the same old road

Life is good but not just that great

I look forward to an endless wait

Wondering what is it that keeps me hollow

No fears, no struggles, none to sorrow

I watch my steps trudge along the ground

What is it that I could have found ?

Voices in my head , tell me its here to come

Not sure what they mean to have become

And then I see two steps walk beside me

My hands feel a grip that is for eternity 

I have my fears, am I captive? 

But I begin to love, its an assuring addictive

You walk beside me holding my hand

As a friend who would always know and understand

I realize what this walk of life means with you

Never let go of the grip on this wondering journey..as life would never be the same without you..

Departed...

Over the years, growing terrorism in Mumbai has become one with our lives.
So much so ,that it can be called a routine.
I realize, getting numb to inhuman nature is inhuman in itself.
The circumstances that we live in, have surged the emotions of anger, despair and helplessness in such continuity over the past years, that now our minds tend to ignore them . It is like constant infliction of pain, like hitting someone at the same spot till it goes numb.
This has been felt many times recently by Mumbaikars and I feel the same today.. I am not proud that the next day after an attack is just a regular day..
Many of us who have not yet succumbed to the blasts, attacks, racism or the other plagues in today's world ,have however succumbed to being departed in our sensitivities to quite an extent.

Morphed Reality..What's next..diamond handcuffs for criminals?

I openly admit that I do not enjoy reading a newspaper or watching primetime news on Indian news channels..As most of us would agree the quality of news that reaches us is so distorted that its better left unheard..
Social Media being the strongest tool to reach common people is overplaying its part of diverging from reality or truth.
The biggest hoax are the reality shows which reflect abusive language and participants with criminal records are given a facelift and portrayed as the victims. The fact that the makers of these shows doubt the intellect of the average educated Indian is not half as annoying as these shows getting a loyal audience.

First Kasab is in the papers, we average Indians pay taxes to feed such ruthless humans and provide them the shelter in our central jails..Autocratic or Socialist governance would be better than this democracy! Maybe I overstated that but that's how furious I am.. The recent trigger being the Maria Susairaj case..
I think I have my answers to the way we govern our country.. What do we do with a criminal? Do we hang them ?? No ! We glamourize them on medial channels, we pay them lumpsums to star in reality shows, better still we make a movie on them...Maria Susairaj finally got her big break after she was involved in a murder..As rumours have it , she will star in Big Boss and probably in a Madhur Bhandarkar movie..

So this generation has its lessons well learnt..what does one do to get what they want? Killing may be an option..Cause in our country, the reality will be eclipsed or morphed by media or by people governing it..

Google Doodle

Les Paul doodle...really loved it and was pleasantly surprised with the quick popularity it got.
Amazing blend of creativity and technology..

It came close to doodle hosted on Charlie Chaplin's birthday.. Google brand just got a little more top-notch.  Now play and record it at the google logos

Bank in the pocket....

Banking industry is taking convenience to a whole new level.

Technology fads are fast shaping and replacing the traditional banking model. The foot-falls in branches have decreased tremendously and still heading for a downfall.
It's about time RBI would remodel it's norms on branch licensing and divert it's regulatory focus more towards other channels like mobile and Internet technologies.
Mobile technologies are providing their customers efficient Options like e-wallets(google to release in July) with near field technology. All you need to do is wave your phone on a swipe terminal and your transaction is processed. Alternatively,Square Inc has also introduced card readers through which customers with blackberry or iPhone can authorise credit card transactions.
With the advent of cloud computing, we save up on actual server space and virtualisation helps conserve resources. One of the interesting applications of Cloud which targets audiences at the base of the consumption pyramid is MX Share by MoVirtu technology.
With so much technology revolution, we are safely doing away with the concept of RMs, tellers, queuing at the branches, etc. Now you have your Bank in your pocket..

Coupling - The Chemical Equation

Coupling

Human behavior is one of the most interesting subjects for scrutiny.

With the new “addition” to my life, I am exploring finer aspects of couple psyche by drawing parallels to stuff familiar to me.

How often have you heard “ Nice couple, great chemistry”? ..Here’s an correlation of chemistry with relations :-)
Draw parallels between Human Reactions and Chemical Reactions and you’ll be amused at the familiarity they both have.

Organic chemistry describes Coupling as a reaction :-) Well it sure is ! The effects of which drill down slow on humans but on hydrocarbons it is quicker with metal catalysts.

As for us humans, coupling has many triggers – attraction, peer pressure, parents(yeah, they can drive us into coupling as well – does arrange marriage ring a bell?? ), boredom( for some..why not eh? ) , etc

Some of the chemical equations are queerly and if you may perceive it in a way, then humorously similar to the equations between couples…


Just a disclaimer, the events described are purely coincidental and bear no resemblance to any couple living or dead.. (trust me!)


Spontaneous reaction can proceed without being driven by an outside source of energy

What it means for us : Remember those days where you and better half are so freakin bored with monotony that you pick up a fight just to spice things up ? (Denial ? Well ..ask yourself you may have done it sub-consciously once in while ..Umm, are you smiling?? )

Acid based reactions: Acids are donors and base acceptors resulting in alkaline /neutral elements

What it means for us : Only 1 among the couple is on fire. The other one realizes the sensitivity of the situation and keeps mum..Some things are better left unsaid, aint it.. ? :-)

Catalysis : Reaction does not proceed directly but through a third substance - catalyst.

What it means for us : Entry in-laws, ex-girl, handsomer-couple..whoof..so many external factors can trigger as catalysts…Beware these lead to quick and irreversible reactions, even in chemistry.

Nuclear reactions : Reactions where a nucleus splits into smaller parts and results in radioactive decay , gives nuclear power enough to make a nuclear explosion!!

What it means for us : These are weapons of mass destruction, brain-splitting conversations which results in worthless conclusions and brain-drain..And ample waste of energy..

Nuclear chain reaction : Nuclear fission, neutron splits and triggers an event of reactions

What it means for us : Husband talks ..Wife snaps back, Husbands snaps back too.. …yeah ..Chain reaction..

Most chemical reactions are reversible.. ..Ahem such is not the case with human reactions. So be careful of which reaction you trigger, have fun, keep laughing and dont bother much...